Welcome to Snakes on a Sora, a journal for the sporking of bad Kingdom Hearts fanfiction. Here you'll find all the joint sporkings for Lynx, Tegu and friends, and anything new we do shall end up here. ~ What are we about? The sporking of any bad Kingdom Hearts fanfic, no matter how bizarre, disturbing, cliche or famous it may be. We show no distinction between unknown authors and popular ones; we call each fanfic as we see them. We will not hold vendettas, and it is not our policy to re-spork a previously-sporked author. ~ Please remember that all of our sporking is done purely for fun. We do not do it to harm any author, but merely to entertain. All we hope is that, at the end of the day, we produced some good laughs. If you still feel the need to decry us as internet bitches or even spork our own work, we will not stop you. However, please be aware that if you come here and act like a wanker or troll, you will be treated as such. ~ This journal follows the same rules as all other sporking communities: We will always credit the fanfiction's original author. We will never reproduce their entire fanfiction without their permission. All of the Kingdom Hearts characters, places and objects named do not belong to us. They are the property of Disney and Square Enix, exclusively. No profit is being made from these parodies. ~ Disclaimer: Please be aware that this journal sometimes contains NC-17 material. We ask that you read and view responsibly! The materials linked and reposted here are not our own or LiveJournal's, and they do not reflect our own views and beliefs. They are reposted here solely for purposes of criticism/parody. ~ If you would like to read our past sporkings, be sure to check the tags page! If you'd like to read even more KH sporkings, we are affiliated with heartless_fics, the main sporking community for Kingdom Hearts fanfiction.
We use the following rating system to describe a fic's badness: - Not an awful fic by any means, just a tad OOC or some grammar blips. A rarely-used rating. - Mild OOC and simple bad porn tend to fall into this category. Groanworthy, but not horrible. - Standard OOC-ness, rampant cliches and holes in story logic dominate here. High school AUs are often three shadows. - Painful OOC-ness, bad grammar, logic rape and poorly-constructed ideas take hold here. These fics hurt bad. - The most shadows possible: insanely obvious OOC and stereotyping, unwarranted violence, bad drama, atrocious grammar and awful, unresearched porn make these fics the worst of the worst. - This special rating is reserved for fics that cannot be adequately rated with shadows alone. On top of everything in a five-shadow badfic, they contain an unusually high degree of whatthefuckery. They are, as it were, how snakesonasora got its name.
The sporking theater is divided into two: the main theater, where most sporkings are done, and the porn theater, where sporkings of fics containing mostly bad smut take place. Minors such as Sora, Riku and Kairi are not permitted in the porn theater.
And now, it is time to meet the sporkers!
Sora - Age 15, the Hero of the Keyblade, and best friends with Riku, Kairi and many others. He is naturally outgoing and positive about life, willing to take on any challenge that comes his way. In badfic, this of course makes him a wibbling and whiny uke who enjoys taking it up the ass. As such, Sporker Sora is often grasping for connections to canon or trying to make some dull exposition more exciting. Riku - Age 16, a Keyblade wielder, and best friends with Sora and Kairi. While Riku's insecurities allowed darkness to control him for awhile, he overcame that darkness and is still fiercely loyal to his friends. In badfic, this somehow translates to him being a goth, a suave sex god, or a rapist. When Sporker Riku is not being cynical about these stereotypes, he is often the one to make fun of Axel. Kairi - Age 15, a Princess of Heart, and best friends with Sora and Riku. With no darkness in her heart, Kairi is determined, kind, and always looking out for her friends. In badfic, she often becomes the foul-mouthed dumb bitch that breaks up Sora and Riku's true love. Sporker Kairi takes this bashing in stride, opting instead to focus on fixing bad grammar and logic errors. Axel - A Nobody, number VIII in the Organization. He is manipulative, crafty, and not afraid to stab a comrade or two in the back. He was also best friends with Roxas, Sora's Nobody, and therefore is usually portrayed as a lovestruck woobie whose only thoughts revolve around getting Roxas in the sack. Perhaps in retaliation to this, Sporker Axel is the dirty mind of the group, and will never pass up the opportunity to make a mean joke...at one of his fellow sporker's expenses.
Many guests also visit the sporking theater! Just a small sample of them is listed below:
Cid - A gummi ship engineer; he runs the projection booth from which the badfics are screened. He typically does not participate in the sporking. Moogles - Rebuild the theater every time it gets trashed, broken, or explodes. Demyx - A Nobody; number IX in the Organization. He is often the first to bust out a song reference. Zexion - A Nobody; number VI in the Organization. His humor is often quite dry and long-winded. Xigbar - A Nobody; number II in the Organization. He will often shoot off his mouth with no regard to who he's offending. Marluxia - A Nobody; number XI in the Organization. While mean about his jokes, he can get violent when the mood strikes him. Xemnas - A Nobody; the leader of the Organization. Rarely sporks, as he tends to pontificate or scare the others our of joking. Roxas and Namine - Both former Nobodies. Since they have rejoined their Others, Sora and Kairi speak for them if they have a line to add.